Have you ever been so nervous about starting something new that you feel lost, or wayward about where to begin? Whether it is a new job, relationship, or learning adventure, going to task and facing different challenges can be so scary.
This week, after much internal contemplation, I decided to resign from my part-time job (a.k.a. the singular source of monetary resources I had) to delve into opening my own online shop. It was the hardest decision I have ever made when it comes to ‘work’. In fact the very concept of work is something I think about deeply on a daily basis. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be my own boss. As a 30 year young grad school student, I feel the time is ripe to utilize the organizing, planning, strategizing, and creative skills I have given to each position I’ve previously held, and apply it to my own business. To me, this is the most radical act I could ever engage in as a professional and practitioner. To design my own way, and do it well.
Admittedly, there are moments when I am all up in my feelings, on the brink of believing those self sabotaging emotions that cause debilitating fear. When this happens, I tend to meander through my day, seemingly aimless, distracted, and timid. I have found that in this moment, I have a choice to either turn my back (on myself, my gifts and talents), or embrace myself, and do my work with love. I have also found that It helps to keep a schedule with to-do lists, listen to NPR radio, or take a break to meditate. At the end of the day, what really pulls me through is having faith in myself, trust that the Creator has my back and loves me beyond my human comprehension. That kind of love is sincerely motiving.
Furthermore, As a brown, sista who heals, makes art, and believes in radical justice, it gets rough out here! Real talk, the world is not so accommodating or open to accepting folks like myself. We work harder because it is harder for us to survive. And yet, our struggle is magic. We make alchemic transformations out of seemingly destitute situations. We have learned how to take care, and love on ourselves and our communities in the most beautiful ways. Throughout this process, I have concluded that these are the truths that I will choose to remember, and gently remind myself of, when the going gets tough (and I know it will). That just being me: healing myself, and helping others to heal with all my heart; creating only what I was put on Earth to create; and sharing my work so that it might support someone on their path towards liberation, is the very best I can do in this life. And that, my friends, is enough.
I hope you are loving up on yourself, with full hearts. And remember, you are powerful beyond measure!